


A different kind of Swan Song

by justlittleoldunkillableme (AmbecaWatson)



Series: Destiel ficlets [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Declarations Of Love, M/M, Swan Song, Temporary Character Death, bottom!Dean, swan song au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-21 00:30:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2448707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbecaWatson/pseuds/justlittleoldunkillableme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The apocalypse comes to its end. Goodbyes will have to be said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A different kind of Swan Song

The end was nigh. They all knew it. Either they would succeed in jamming the Devil back in the hole or they wouldn’t. It was as simple as that. Sammy was hell bent on saying yes to the devil to open the cage with the rings of the four horsemen. Dean was fresh outta options when Cas called. On a cell phone, for Christ’s sake. He went into protective mode right away and when he heard how Cas felt so human at the moment he couldn’t describe what he felt. Was he sad for Cas, because he wasn’t an angel anymore? Was he happy, because they were finally equal, and at the same time sad, because now that Cas was so like a human, they couldn’t be together anymore? Because, let’s face it, it was too likely that all of them would die when they went up against the devil.  
Dean didn’t know what he felt, he really didn’t. He knew right about two things when he lay choking on his own blood on a hospital floor, in one room with Pestilence. He knew he believed in his brother, that he may be able to actually pull this stunt he planned off and he knew that he never loved Castiel the former angel of the lord more than right now, when everything seemed like he could never be with him again. When Castiel entered the room with the dramatic utterance “I took a bus” and cut the horsemen’s ring from his finger, he looked at him and just knew in the second before he passed out that he was the love of his life.

No doubt, the end was nigh, but that didn’t matter much. They were all back at Bobby’s. Going over the last fine points of their suicidal plan that was sure as hell going to fail. When there was nothing more they could do for the night, Dean went up to a room that Bobby had made up. Usually, Dean just passed out on the bed in Bobby’s den, mostly with a good deal of Whiskey and sorrow in his veins, but there was something to be done before the apocalypse. He felt weary like always these days when he opened the door to the den. Cas was already waiting for him. “Hello, Dean” was all it took to make him feel better, at least for the moment. “Hey, babe.” He sat down on the bed and looked at Cas. For some time none of them said something. Then Dean began with: “This is it, heh? The big battle is about to go down.”  
“Yes, Dean. You have a firm grasp on the situation.”  
Dean felt himself groaning a little. Still, even with their backs to the wall, these little ways of Castiel could annoy him a little. He cringed his brows and looked up into Cas’ eyes, but his frustration with the other and his hopelessness melted when he saw the look of utter love on Cas’ face. His blue eyes were squinted a little like they always were when he wasn’t sure what the point of a conversation was but he had a softness in his expression that clearly showed how happy he was to have Dean so close. Dean couldn’t resist this expression which always surprised him with it’s simple cuteness and more than that because it never failed to move his innermost heartstrings.  
“Cas, I want you to know that, despite of what might happen in the next couple of days, I want you to know, that you did great. We all gave it our best shot, and we tried so damn hard to keep this world from falling apart, but all the things you did and all the times you were there for us… I just mean that I appreciate that. You didn’t have to and you still gave everything you could, for me…” there he couldn’t go on, because his treacherous eyes and emotions wanted him to go on and say all the soppy stuff he usually never said and he didn’t want to go out of this life like an emotional wreck. But Castiel, with his impeccable social ineptness didn’t sense that Dean couldn’t go on and just said honestly: “Dean, I gave everything for you. You must know that. When I was given the order to fight my way to you in hell, I didn’t know it would come to this. But I don’t regret meeting you, Dean Winchester. You gave me purpose when I started to doubt me and my father. You gave my existence meaning and I came to know emotions that I never felt towards anyone. I believe humanity has a term for it.” Cas frowned and searched for the word. Dean cleared his throat. Cas’ speech had almost sent him over the edge anyway and if he’d go on now, he knew he couldn’t keep it together much longer.  
“It’s ok, Cas, I know, what you…” But Cas had found the word he searched for. “Love. That is the term. I love you, Dean Winchester.”  
Dean felt the tears swirling up inside him.  
“Damn it, Cas! Just what I needed.” The first tear found it’s way down his cheek, but Cas caught it with his finger.  
“What’s the matter? Shouldn’t I have said that?” He tilted his head and Dean found himself laughing at the confused expression on Castiel’s face.  
“Overkill, man.” he muttered.  
“What is ‘overkill’?” asked Cas, even more confused now. Dean sighed. “It would take too long to explain. If I’d tell you all the things you don’t know, we’d be sitting here til the morning.”  
“But that would be a waste of our last hours on earth. We could put this room and bed to far better use. You may not be able to teach me the ways of humanity tonight, but we may enjoy humanity’s more carnal nature together again” said Cas and leaned over to Dean, cleared the last trace of the tears from his cheeks and kissed him. Dean felt entranced by Castiel’s proximity like he always did. He kissed back and cupped his cheek. But he couldn’t help but ask:  
“You really ok, babe? I mean you’re human now, and you just came outta the hospital.”  
“Dean, I feel fine physically. I just want to be close to you now.”  
Dean shrugged internally and said then: “Works fine for me.”  
He urged his whole body forward to feel as much of Cas as he possibly could. Dean was a tactile being, he always had been. And during sex nothing felt better for him then to let his hands explore every inch of his partner’s skin. Cas’ skin had always felt warm and flawless, but now that his grace was almost gone, he felt little imperfections and shivering when he had unbuttoned his shirt and found the skin underneath. In a way this made him feel a bittersweet sensation, because his Cas was now just as he was but they couldn’t be together as equals because they didn’t have a future after the next or perhaps even the day after that. He saw that Castiel’s lips were actually swollen, his hair, though always a mess was even more ruffled and in his cheeks was a warm glow. In a way he looked even more angelic now.  
Dean took a second to admire his lover but Castiel took this as an invitation to get his share of the undressing part now. His head went down Dean’s front and he inhaled very sharply when Cas sucked and bit his way to his groin. By the time Cas took him into his mouth, Dean was stark naked and panting. His hands were in Cas’ raven hair as his head bopped up and down. Dean groaned: “Cas” and thrusted deep into his mouth. He already felt the pull building in his lower abdomen, and so he lifted Castiel’s head off himself and if he had thought his lips were swollen before it was nothing compared to the visual Dean got now.  
He pulled Cas closer and in between little kisses he muttered deeply: “Cas, I need you. I’ll always need you…” His breath hitched but when he looked into Castiel’s eyes, which were dark from lust, he felt his tongue loosen. “I love you, Castiel. I want you to know that. I love you.”  
“I know” said Cas and Dean would have laughed over the reference that Castiel wasn’t aware he had just made but Cas kissed him again and laid him down on the bed. When Dean opened his legs to let Cas between them, he could think of nothing but his hands on Castiel’s back, moving, stroking and feeling his muscles move against him and Castiel’s hands, which were fingering him open and caused the sweetest sensation he could think of.  
The first time he had felt the need to let Castiel inside of him, was when he felt very vulnerable and unsure of Castiel’s affection for him. During that first time he had discovered that nothing he ever experienced during sex was even remotely comparable to the utter feeling of trust he placed in Cas and this caused the realisation that he felt safe with Cas. He could let go of the reigns with him and just enjoy their time together. Cas always knew when Dean felt like this, it was if he had a radar that always alerted him when Dean needed to feel him like this. And now, when Cas filled him up wholly, he felt just as good and at peace as ever, even if it was only for a short while. Even with Cas’ length pulsing inside of Dean, he still look his time to put Dean’s legs on his shoulders and nibbled on his inner thighs. The feeling of Cas’ stubble and teeth on his sensitive flesh made Dean writher with need. “Cas” he gasped. “Yes. I know.” Castiel answered and thankfully started to move his hips now. His little circling thrusts soon gathered speed and before Dean knew it, he and Cas were panting in unison. They were both so close, Cas humming deeply in his throat and Dean gasping for every breath of air he could get. Dean let one of his hands glide down until he found Castiel’s ass. He grabbed him and pulled him even closer. With his other hand he stroked himself. “More, Cas, more.” Cas gave his last effort and pounded into Dean, until he groaned deeply with a craned neck and spilled himself into him. While he rode the waves of his orgasm out, Dean too climaxed intensely while Cas quieted his exclamations with his mouth on his.  
They lay there, just kissing and calming their heartbeats. Dean wanted to hold Castiel like this forever. Not thinking about tomorrow or anything, except for the fact that he was in love with this being whose heart harmonized with his. When Castiel pulled out, so as not to hurt him, Dean felt like the connection between them got severed, but Castiel didn’t let go of him. He just turned to his side and kept Dean close. He looked at him, without saying a word, but in his gaze, all the feelings they still couldn’t talk about were expressed. Dean would have liked nothing better than to bring this whole apocalypse thing to a good end, have a home with Cas, have Sammy go back to school, in due time adopt some kids maybe and share the rest of his life with Cas. But he knew he couldn’t. He was the righteous man and there was a bigger picture to be thought of. These short moments of happiness should always just be stolen moments and not of any duration. He also knew that Cas would be unhappy, because he felt like he wasn’t an angel anymore and if anything happened so that Cas was an angel again, he would have to think of his duties to heaven again and not so much about Dean. These were the possibilities they were faced with if they took their snowballs chance against Lucifer and actually won this fight. If not, then at least no one would have to live without the other, little enough encouraging as the prospect may be.  
For just one isolated moment, Dean and Castiel could be together. They could be what they deserve to be: Happy.

Then things got really bad. Dean's whole world was imploding. Sammy was dead and Cas had been dead for a while. When he came back he talked about leaving Dean to get to heaven. So when Cas zapped out of the Impala, Dean was well and truly on his own, like he had never wanted to be. He turned towards Lisa's home and tried to forget the lives lost, his brother, lost in the depths of hell in Lucifer's cage and the lost love of his life, doing who knows what in heaven, not seeing him in over a year.


End file.
